She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
