I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
