i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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