We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
