from now on my penis is your penis
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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