I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
