you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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