He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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