Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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