i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
soo... how was my night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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