someone threw a dead crab at me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
