in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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