Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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