tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
