so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
