I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
