yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
