just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
