I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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