apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
