he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
