i would punch a child for taco bell
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
