I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I had to cum in my sink.
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