Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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