i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
