Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
