Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
