she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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