Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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