I look better un-naked...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I will pee on everything he values.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
