Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
