We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
