Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize