Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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