The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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