Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
