I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
