just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i dont even know how to be here
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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