i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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