he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my being single is dangerous.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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