with your own penis?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
