Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
