youre lurking in front of me
Don't make out with my wife yet
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
