I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
