Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize