so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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