I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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