It was confusing and full of hummus
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
