Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
