In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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