Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
