oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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