My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
