Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
