You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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