i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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