new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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