its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
