what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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