just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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