If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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