my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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