Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
