This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
