I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
