The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
