ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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