DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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