Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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