OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
