the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
