wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
