at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
