dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
