Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
