I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
