Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
