So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
