i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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