Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
