Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
