Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
